Nothing is Safe

Everything is irrational. In some way, in some capacity. I, for instance am irrational for many reasons, just one being I'm really mad at an inanimate object right now for not functioning properly. But that's not that worrisome, everyone yells at their computer or their TV, maybe not believing it will have an affect, but hoping just a little bit that it will make them feel better.

Reason number two, sitting in my recliner, I just stared at my vertical blinds for at least three minutes wondering if they ever stopped moving. I don't think they do. The fan's always on, and I'm pretty sure their movement's sound and affect on the light coming into the living room in the middle of the night is what makes Bird fall off her perch--well it's either that or nightmares, not sure what would constitute a nightmare for Bird though, maybe someone incessantly repeating, "Polly wanna cracker?" Some neighborhood kids did that once, she picked it up and repeated it in this horrible mock parrot voice, it wasn't her most endearing of times, but she, thankfully, has stored that one away for another time, I can only hope that her very emphatic and well annunciated use of the word "fuck" goes with it.

I think my refrigerator is irrational for wanting to ever contain more than a couple of mismatched beers other people brought over and condiments. Until I have some major breakthrough and I become different for some reason, I can't see this changing in at least the next two and a half years.

My realization that I, along with everything that surrounds me, is somehow irrational comes from a conversation I had with a therapist this morning, she's not my therapist, even though the more I think about it, I probably need one. I told her that I was in feeling introspective and when she asked what sparked this look inside and I told her the destructive path my head had taken in less than half an hour, her (I'm sure) unofficial response was, "you're being irrational" (she prefaced that with "I don't think you're a crazy person"). I told her, oh sure, I knew that (in both instances). Then I started thinking my only problem is I'm totally okay with being unreasonable in all areas of my life. The only area where I use even the slightest bit of reason is balancing my checkbook. So I will always know just how little money I have...then spend way too much, which is unreasonable.

I am now going to get my car washed, it has been raining most of the morning and promises to do so through the weekend. It's a vicious little spin cycle I put myself in.